Bespin sucks fucking cock: a detailed analysis of the fucking cock that Bespin sucks.

I'm sick of this map. It's so poorly designed. I don't vote against this map because I'm memeing/it's a Grab map, etc, I vote against it because the DESIGN IS GARBAGE. And I will pull no punches with my critiques because I have been telling you the same critiques for YEARS at this point and you REFUSE TO LISTEN BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUBBORN TO MAKE SIGNIFICANT CHANGES TO YOUR PREMADE SINGLEPLAYER MAP THAT YOU DIDN'T MAKE, BECAUSE DOING SO WOULD BE ADMITTING THAT REWORKING SINGLEPLAYER LEVELS TO BE SIEGE MAPS DOESN'T WORK.

First obj:
  • Zero verticality.
  • The same gigantic box is just copy-pasted 5 times. Uncreative and boring. Guessing which side of a giant obstacle an enemy will emerge from is not engaging gameplay. Get your hands off CTRL+C and CTRL+V and press other buttons.
  • The stupid hitbox on the obj is retarded because you can't do much damage as jedi. Did we not learn our lesson from the shitty Hoth CC slants?
  • The droid bullshit is useless and it's just a waste of time. It's irritating that my teammates waste even the smallest amount of time pressing +use on it because it's just a stupid gimmick that is absolutely worthless to humanity.
  • The bunker right next to the hack. This bunker is one of the absolute worst things about this map. It might even be the worst. No other map just slaps an impenetrable bunker RIGHT next to the objective. A bunker should also have some disadvantage. For example:
    • Hoth codes armor bunker
      • You can be attacked through the window
      • Enemy can escape up to the top to get codes
      • Enemy can run right past you to go do the obj
      • It's very easy to kill you as you exit it
    • Hoth top bunker
      • Very difficult to exit safely
      • It's very easy to kill you as you exit it
      • Small area inside the bunker means you can be splashed off the walls
      • Not practical to use when the enemy already has the codes down below
    • Hoth infirmary bunker
      • You can be attacked through the window
      • Small area inside the bunker means you can be splashed off the walls
      • Enemy can run right by you to go to obj
    • Urban first obj red container
      • You can be attacked through the window
      • Small area inside the bunker means you can be splashed off the walls
      • The ceiling breaks; easy to get attacked by jedis
      • It's very easy to kill you as you exit it
      • You can be shielded off
    • Urban swoop obj bunker
      • You can be attacked through the window
      • Enemy can run right by you to do the obj
      • It's very easy to kill you as you exit it
      • You can be completely shielded off
    • Seeing a pattern here? There should be DISADVANTAGES to using a bunker. Now let's look at the Bespin first obj bunker:
      • You CANNOT be attacked through the window
      • The unbreakable window allows you to track enemy movement without being exposed to danger, allowing you to perfectly time your attacks
      • It is NOT easy to kill you as you exit, since there are two exits and one of them is larger
      • The enemy CANNOT run past you; they MUST expose themselves to you to do the hack
      • Very easy to kill incoming offense jedis because of the low ceiling
      • The second exit and the geometry of the nearby walls means it's not even feasible to bounce golans in there without having a great angle, and the defender can still just slip out the second exit to dodge the golans
      • You chose to use the midget door on the side of the bunker that defense never pops out of and offense tries to pop in, instead of on the other side. This means that offense trying to rush that side of the bunker gets midget door spammed, instead of the defense camper getting midget door spammed when trying to get to the obj. Like it wouldn't be as bad if the doors were reversed, but this way the defense can easily midget door spam incoming rushers and yet has perfect access to the obj itself. It's like the perfect storm of bad.

    Second obj:
    • Zero verticality.
    • Absolutely terrible spam door chokepoint.
    • There is not even any cover in front of the door to prevent getting sniped. If you are a gunner, you can just get sniped immediately when you enter. Somehow, we went through the effort to give DEFENSE some cover outside of their spawn door though!!!
    • The alternate midget door is absolutely worthless. It's 999km away, takes a long time to get to, requires a hack, and guess what? The door is ultimately like 5m from the main door, AND it's even smaller and more spammable! It's a complete waste of time. Whenever I'm on defense and Grab takes the alternate route, I'm really happy because I know I will win that spawn. The enemies are split up, and we can just focus fire on the smart guy that didn't go take the troll route.
    • The main area has almost no cover. O jedi absolutely rapes everything at this obj. You have nowhere to go. The only choice is to run away and defend on top of the obj, because you can at least hug corners and spam tight hallways there.
    • The fucking shit fucking retard bullshit turrets at this obj. There is NO legitimate purpose for their existence. I'm convinced you added these simply because there was a ceiling and you thought, "hmm, I haven't added any turrets yet. I should do that, I guess. Oh, well look, there's a ceiling here, why not add them here? Cool." There is no brainpower that went into this decision. Placing turrets should be a very DELIBERATE and THOUGHT-OUT design decision. Placing these shitty turrets directly on top of the obj 3m above your head is such a fucking asinine design decision. You were told that these turrets were cancer ages ago, and you stubbornly refused to change them. You can't dodge turret shots that close to you. They can aimbot you as you are moving. And because defenders naturally defend on top of the obj anyway, you are guaranteed to be fighting defenders and turrets at the same time. You might be trying to shoot the turret, and the enemy pops out and nades you. Or you might be waiting to shoot the enemy, and he just hides back so that the turret shoots you. Everything about these turrets is retarded. If you look at the CC screenshot from Hoth in the menu, you can see that Raven initially put a turret there. And guess what, THEY REMOVED IT BEFORE RELEASE BECAUSE THEY REALIZED HOW TERRIBLE IT WAS. NOBODY PUTS TURRETS RIGHT ON TOP OF OBJS, ESPECIALLY WITH LOW CEILINGS!!!
    • The moving car. You could have put something interesting there, but you went with another worthless gimmick just like the droid. The few bytes of space occupied by this garbage is a waste of space on my SSD.
    • The defense spawn midget door. It's almost impossible to exit if you are being camped. If the camper is a jedi, it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to exit. You might as well just kill yourself, it isn't happening.

    Third obj:
    • More boring CTRL+C CTRL+V box paste spam!!! You have like one box and one "battery" thing you paste everywhere, it's like the only two objects you use. Put some interesting cover FOR FUCK'S SAKE! DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN SPAM FUCKING PASTE WITH BOXES FUCKING EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!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    • No real verticality in the combat, the only verticality is a single jedi-only alt route which doesn't actually play into combat.
    • The giant glass wall makes for boring "ring around the rosey" gameplay. I can just evade a gunner by running in circles opposite of them. Cheesy as fuck.
    • Super fun being demped from 9000km away because the enemy jan has fucking jump and demp.
    • Again, boring ass cover. The only cover near defense spawn is just one gigantic box lmao. Can't you come up with something more creative than just spamming boxes? It was kind of a meme when Black did it in his are just paste spamming boxes everywhere in your map UNIRONICALLY.

    Fourth obj:
    • Yet another obj with abysmal cover and no verticality. Uninspired, uninteresting combat. There's fucking nowhere to dodge jedis. This is why 90% of the defense is people sitting behind the fountain right outside D spawn, because THERE IS NO COVER ANYWHERE!
    • The bottom area is a cancer spam chokepoint. It's barely wider than the old Hoth1 midget door. A single defender firing into it can completely shut it down.
    • The high ground is too high and too difficult to get to for offense gunner. It is IMPOSSIBLE to fight back against a high ground camper when you have the low ground. Like you literally can't damage the camper. The only thing you can attempt is taking the tiny ass spam lift up, and doing that is just guaranteeing instant death because it's a tiny ass spam lift and isn't covered. You can also take the high ground all the way in front of offense's spawn and just rain down projectiles on them as soon as they have spawned. Fun!
    • The stupid fucking bespin cop NPC gimmick. IT SERVES NO LEGITIMATE PURPOSE. He aimbots you at point blank range, and you can't even kill him from a distance because you pasted another box in front of him. What the fuck is the point of this NPC? Did you just think "hmm, well Hoth and Urban have NPCs you have to kill to get an item, I guess I might as well do it too...oh how about giving him a gun? Stupid Duo didn't think of that in Urban lmao I'm so creative!!!" There is no gameplay benefit to this guy. It's not cute, it's not fun, it's not interesting, it's just retarded. An automatic turret that shoots you at point blank range on top of the objective, what great design.
    • The tie fighter is yet another gimmick. It's just a model that you RANDOMLY put there for lore or something. It's not interesting to fight people around it, because it's actually YET ANOTHER GIGANTIC BOX in disguise.

    Fifth obj:
    • Yet another objective with no verticality in the combat! Woohoo!
    • The combat here is so uninteresting. You seem to just be incapable of designing objectives that can be played in multiple ways. There are exactly two spots that defenders defend at. No more, no less. You made a tiny chokepoint area with limited cover, and so this obj is literally always played the same in every single pug. Defense mines the vent holes and defends behind the battery thing and behind the blue shield. REPETITIVE. EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU PLAY THIS OBJ, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS.
    • Defenders can fire up the lift, but offense cannot fire down at them. This is absolute cancer. When you are on the lift on offense (particularly as a gunner), you are just hoping and praying that you won't die. Like there is literally nothing you can do to evade or take cover. Congratulations, you made a spam hole that only works in one direction -- against the offense.
    • The lift lame mechanic isn't THAT bad but it's not great. Could we not learn a lesson from Hoth hangar here?
    • Oh, and more copy/pasted box spam. Personally my favorite box is box number 937. Yeah, that box is really great. Just something about the way you pasted box #937 is really creative.

    Final obj:
    • YET ANOTHER OBJECTIVE WITH NO VERTICALITY AND SHIT FUCKING COVER. Holy fuck the fucking copy/pasted box spam. I count 28 BOXES and 3 battery things at this obj lmfao. How fucking uncreative can you get? My favorite are the giant ones next to the vehicle. Like it's the laziest fucking design on the planet. Just stick some giant fucking boxes right on top of the obj and call it a day. I spent HOURS AND HOURS carefully placing every single piece of cover just on Urban's first obj alone. It's insulting for my map to be considered in the same vote with someone who just pastes the same motherfucking box and battery literally everywhere.
    • Another obj with terrible cover for the defense. It's an absolute meme at this point. My favorite part is the tiny little midget ramp that serves no fucking purpose next to the vehicle. It's like you were considering making ramps and then said "meh fuck it" but then you were like "wait, I have this ramp that I copy/pasted from Nar Shaddaa and made midget-sized already...I can't let that huge amount of effort (actually is a huge amount of effort, compared to your normal effort of creating cover) go to waste...might as well stick it on the side of the landing pad, I guess!"
    • Defense can get camped in spawn way too easily. The door from their spawn to the vehicle is literally HALF THE SIZE OF THE OLD HOTH1 HANGAR MIDGET DOOR AND ALSO GOES OVER A PIT. Oh yeah, and of course it has no cover.

    • D assault: you tried giving him 125 HP as a counter to ojedi. I told you to consider giving another class an HP boost instead. The HP buff is useless on assault because repeater can't kill jedis fast enough when they are on top of you. The only difference this makes is that the jedi has to spend 20 more force STing you two times instead of just one. Moreover, 90% of the reason ojedi is OP is because of the map design, not the class design. Urban defense only has one gunner class that can tank a saberthrow, and yet O jedi isn't overpowered on that map. It's the map design.
    • D tech: I have said 50000 times how cancerous this class is. At least he doesn't have super speed anymore, but it's still just mind-boggling how the same guy who complains about demp more than anyone else adds a class that has demp and fucking force jump.
    • D jedi: needs more testing but at first glance doesn't seem susceptible enough to his supposed counters. Jedi versus jedi isn't affected by the def1 change that much, and def1 still works if you are aiming at the scout (easy to do on a midget hallway spam map). Tech is probably the only counter.

    This map has needed significant work for years and I'm done with it until the issues with it are addressed. The design is lazy, uninspired, uncreative, and just makes for poor gameplay. Every single brush you put down in a map should be done with PURPOSE and THOUGHT behind it. Copying and pasting the same box/battery model everywhere is the antithesis of good map design.

Re: Bespin sucks fucking cock: a detailed analysis of the fucking cock that Bespin sucks.

Duo wrote:
Sat Jun 06, 2020 2:01 pm
First obj:

[*]The droid bullshit is useless and it's just a waste of time. It's irritating that my teammates waste even the smallest amount of time pressing +use on it because it's just a stupid gimmick that is absolutely worthless to humanity.
Thank you for writing "my teammates" instead of hannah, because I'm absolutely the only one who does that.